I had a revelation about myself a few minutes ago. It’s pushing 4am and Im tired so this probably wont be very coherent

Doing some introspection to bubbled up to me the reason why I was attracted to pure math and religion. Not the abrahamic religions or mahayana sect of buddhism, i’m talking about the more philosophical and introspective ones (certain hinduism, theravada buddhism, taoism,…).It’s because they offer completely new schmes for thought, endless schemes at that. By new schemes/way of thought, I mean to point out the precise and rigorous creativity of math and the aptness (i dont really know how to describe the feeling) of those religions. To contrast, i dont mean new ways like the type you’d see in some journal article about Art History called ” a new paradigm for examining relics” or something. These subjects, I include all the human developed and worked around dsiciplines (engineering, english, art history, other bullshit) work around the preset way humans think; I’ll call these humanly studies. Think how in studying engineering analogies are constantly made to understand things in a way convenient. Or in english, it’s all about symbolism and attaching ideas to something manipulatable in the mind. Humanly studies work and think in the restrictive playground of thoughts convenient to humans. The type where you can sit on a couch and let thoughts roll off without much direction or willpower to question and scrutinize the source of those thoughts. Notice I say engineering and not physics; theoretical physics was my teenage interest that has been overtaken by pure math. Whereas pure math and those religions offer something only attainable through deep introspection and experience. They are breaks, as much as they can be to humans, from the patterned thought most of us were spawned with. I.e. no one is born thinking with the rigorous precision structure creative structure of math. No one is born with the notion that they aren’t real and understanding that everything is fabricated through the DNA of human senses. These can’t be necessarily understood through plain information transmission. So that supposes me saying anything about it cannot do much for the reader, but perhaps studying pure math or religiously reading the tao te ching would help give the effect. I repudiate people who do all they can to think in the way they were loaded in. It feels dirty and muddy, under a schema truly representative of how animal they are. Thoughts are only abstractions, so if I expand the constructs and ways by which I fundamentally think, my total abstraction can be at least more representative of the chaos in the universe. Abrahamic religions particularly piss me off. It is just so painfully and obvious that these religions were born out of some mentally inflexible mind in an attempt to reconcile their distress at the uncertainty of their animal lives. The creator of this universe is humanoid, there is a house above somewhere, this person loves us… really? How do followers of these religions not question their reality, their thoughts, their identity? It’s so single-tracked. It’s just disappointing to me.
Essentially, I want to expand my mind. That is why I’m interested in psychedelics as well. tldr Pure math and introspective religions offer an endless frontier from which I can continuously reinvent and update my schema to be representative of the chaotic beauty, which are just constructs too. Of course, math and religion are thoughts devised by humans, but theyre enough of a break away from the muddy common convenient thinking. And so it clearly goes I will seek out these new ways and try not to stagnate… as far out as my human mind allows.