For the sake of understanding is enough for me, intellectually. But that isn’t enough to make my body follow through. My brain and body are annoyingly misaligned most of the time.

For example, I have been stuck playing a certain online game called League of Legends (LoL) for a large chunk of my life, and I still play it to this day. However, I don’t play it out of joy. It’s out of a tragic consequence of a sunken cost fallacy. My brain knows to move on, to get on to more interesting and rewarding things. And yet, a part of me says that LoL is what I have spent so much of my life on, it’s what I feel best at. Although in terms of relative ranking, I’m better at other things, like minesweeper. Playing minesweeper is also a less detrimental activity (LoL is reputed, and I agree, to bring out the worst in people. It floods my brain with a diabolical mix of chemicals that makes one both addicted and despise the game) and more fun. And to quit playing after all these years without having become Challenger (the highest rank) is shameful. But again, I intellectually know that hitting such a rank requires incredible amount of dedication in both hours and to improving that it always had been unfeasible to me given that I had largely played the game without thinking about improvement and not playing in long consecutive sessions where improvement bubbles up. Or I just simply suck at the game. Playing here and there across my high school years, I came to about the 75th percentile.

In other things besides LoL, things that give long-term satisfaction need to be supplemented with more long-term satisfaction things. Then the sum of these long-term satisfaction things equals the appeal of some short-term dope hit things. I.E. I cannot read books at length without jotting cool quotes in my notes app, seeking out connections irl, or typing about insights on a blog.

So yea, that’s pretty much the nature of this site revealed. Also, it is also a preemptive defense against dropping my ongoing tasks of reading and learning by threatening the disappointment of imagined readers of this blog.

Also, I’m silent 90% of the time besides my random nonsensical utterances at thin air, so it’s nice to compile some of those thoughts at the end of the day and see them all laid in front of my eyes.

I should try to go outside some more too. Blog to the rescue!: I will try to put a picture of something I saw outside once in a while. This isn’t from today, but to get some momentum going, here’s a recent picture of some jacarandas at my uni